Break Your Walls
by havarti2
Summary: When two authoresses appear in the world of AOT, things are bound to be chaotic. Collab with The Utterly Fabulous Z. First AOT fic. Rated T for language and other things. Hope you enjoy! I DO NOT OWN ATTACK ON TITAN OR ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT THE PLOT, MYSELF, AND THE FANFICTION ITSELF! **Chapter 2 has been written! Chapter 3 is going to be written soon**
1. Chapter 1

It all started when those girls fell out of the sky. Those two girls that could have caused the end of the universe. Those weird, weird girls.

Eren, Armin, and Mikasa were all on a Titan fight in the city with the rest of the cadets. Titans poured through the wall like a shaken bottle of soda.

The Armored Titan burst through the wall moments earlier. The Colossal Titan had yet to show up, and everyone was hoping it wouldn't. Bertholt and Reiner were nowhere to be seen. Connie looked over, after killing Titan he was fighting, at Eren.

"Eren! You're running out of gas!" he yelled to his friend, the fifth best of the cadet class. Eren had been fighting hard against the Titans, so he didn't realize that he had used so much gas.

Then, things went crazy. Two girls a little bit younger than Eren and Armin fell out of the sky, fully equipped in Scouting Legion gear. The first one drew her blades and slashed at the Titan's neck. One clean slice later, the Titan was dead. The second one face planted on the rooftops.

"YAHOO! FIGHT THE CONDOMS!" The second girl yelled, standing up and rushing over to Connie with a blue marker.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Connie asked worriedly. These girls freaked him out. The second girl smiled wickedly, slowly approaching the cadet like a panther on a prowl.

"DUN… DAH DAH DUN… DAH DAH DUN… DAH DAH DUN!" She yelled, drawing a giant blue arrow on his forehead.

The other girl looked over to see what the former had done. She took one look at Connie's head and burst out laughing. Connie looked at the first girl, then the second girl, then back at the first girl.

"AANG, USE YOUR AIRBENDING TO KILL THE CONDOMS!" The second girl said, grasping his shoulders and shaking him violently.

"Um, what?" Connie asked, shoving her off of him.

"That's enough. We have a job to do, remember? Let's get to it." The first girl stated, pulling the second girl by her collar.

"But I was! Honest! Look at Aang-er, Connie's face! It's beautiful…" she retorted, struggling to draw on his face again.

"Don't make me do IT," the first girl said, pinching the second girl's ear. The former turned to the cadets. "Hello cadets. I am havarti2 and my… accomplice here is The Utterly Fabulous Z. We are here from our dimension to break your walls. Good luck trying to stop us. You'll need it,"

"ACCOMPLICE?! YOU MEANIE! I HOPE BERTHOLT EATS YER FOOT!" The Utterly Fabulous Z, aka Z, screeched.

"You. Want. To. Break. The. Walls!? ARE YOU CRAZY!? I WILL DESTROY YOU, YOU… YOU…" Eren yelled, drawing his blades and ignoring Z's comment. He flung himself at havarti, but was in for a surprise. havarti flicked her hand at his face and a banana cream pie apparated and splattered all over the cadet.

"Not those walls, silly! You are DANCER!" Z laughed hysterically. She snapped her fingers and Eren suddenly was wearing a ballerina leotard, a tutu, ballet shoes, a tiara, fairy wings, and it was all pink and sparkly.

"Feeling stupid now? Silly boy. Silly silly boy. You really need to get out more. Oh wait. You can't," havarti said, smiling at Eren. He removed the pie tin from his face and glared at havarti2, while Jean was laughing his head off at him and Connie, who was trying to wipe the marker off of his forehead with the back of his hand.

"And by the way, Connie, it's permanent. You can't get if off like that, if you can get it off at all. It's useless," With that, Connie started scrubbing his forehead even harder, while Jean fell over laughing his face off and Marco was trying to get him to stand up.

"Come forth from the depths of the pit of the insane fanfiction authoress' Insanity Force, I summon thee! Flozs!" Z chanted, flailing her arms wildly. A pentagram surrounded by fluffy oranges and Squidwards appeared in the sky and a strange creature appears.

It had a body of an octopus, with zebra legs coming out of its stomach, the tail of a squirrel, and the heads of all three. "FLOZWALD!" Z squealed, hugging the giant monstrosity that is known as a Fluffy Loud Octopus Zebra Squirrel. Aka a flozs. It made a sound similar to a kitten swallowing a dinging microwave.

"Hey. Where are Bertholt and Reiner? Shouldn't they be with you guys?" havarti looked around before settling her gaze on a random point in the distance. "OH NEVERMIND. Y'ALL GONNA HAVE A COLOSSAL PROBLEM. BETTER PUT ON SOME ARMOR... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" havarti laughed hysterically, looking concerned at the same time. Annie shot her a death glare. "Oh I forgot you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I don't like you," havarti glared back.

"Oh, so no one's questioning Flozwald? Y'all ah so kind. Who wants candy?" Z asked.

"I QUESTION FLOZWALD OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS," Ymir stated hugging Christa and chewing on her hair.

"Please stop doing that…" Christa squeaked, looking up at Ymir.

"SQUAGLES ARE F***ING ALIVE!" Z shouted before getting interrupted by havarti.

"As is Marco apparently." havarti said, finger to chin, staring intently at Marco. He tilted his head and looking at her.

"I'LL EAT THEM ALL…" Z growled in a condescending voice.

"Please don't eat Canada's pancakes. Again. What are you going to eat, the Titans or those three day old fish sticks I found on the sidewalk?" havarti asked.

"NEITHER. I'M GOING TO EAT-" Z started, but havarti cut her off.

"Austria."

"NO! HE'S AN ANGRY PIANO PLAYER WHO WEARS THREE WEEK OLD UNDERWEAR! AND HE'S GOT WEIRD HAIR!" Z paused.

"I'M GOING TO EAT-" Z started again, but havarti once again interrupted.

"That onigiri from Japan's magical toilet shop."

"NO. WHAT!? I'M GOING TO EAT-" Z yelled.

All sounds stopped except for a cheesy ringtone. "D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-Dora!"

havarti looks directly into Z's eyes and burst out laughing.

"GODS OF OLYMPUS DAMN IT! STOP INTERRUPTING ME, UNIVERSE! YOU DON'T GET SENT FLOWERS!" Z flipped off nearly everything in sight.

"Then what are you going to eat? I've been waiting twenty minutes." Annie complained.

"I AM GOING TO EAT 206 TUBES OF LIP BALM!" Z screamed triumphantly.

"WHAT, WHY!? OUR MISSION IS TO WREAK HAVOC, NOT BREAK YOUR INTESTINES! YOU'D BE ON THE TOILET FOR HOURS!" havarti yelled at Z, waving her arms frantically.

"Actually, I'd puke it on the Titans and be like, 'Acid Lip Balm!'."

"WHAT." Reiner said, showing up (finally…). Mikasa shook her head and Armin opened his mouth to ask him where he was, but before he could say anything, he was cut short by havarti2.

"Go eat an acid pickle. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I don't like you." havarti hissed at Reiner.

"AHEM. WHO ARE YOU TWO AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY NEW RECRUITS?" A very short man said with a gravelly voice. havarti turned to see who spoke and became face to face with Captain Levi Rivaille (Ackerman).

Z closed her eyes and opened her mouth. She stuck her hand into said mouth and withdrew a yellow bazooka. She lifted the bazooka at Levi.

"What are you do-" He started, but was cut off by a blast of mustard. To the face. Yellow mustard dripped down from his hair and face onto his freshly cleaned uniform, staining the fabric for probably eternity. Or the next time he washed it.

The cadets looked around at each other, eyes wide. Connie, Marco, and Eren were trying not to laugh, while Sasha and Jean were rolling around in midair laughing so hard that they were crying.

"Um… How are they doing that?" asked Erwin, who came from nowhere. havarti looked over at the captain and screamed.

"OH MY GODS IT'S CAPTAIN AMERICA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? GO FIND THE REST OF THE AVENGERS AND GET CONFUSED BY A COMPUTER OR SOMETHING. YOUR EYEBROWS ARE ENORMOUS," havarti laughed and ran in circles around the now extremely confused Erwin.

"EXORCISM!" Z yelled, pulling a gigantic tube of Wet-Ones hand wipes out of nowhere and chucked one in every direction.

"OH MY GODS DON'T HIT ME WITH THOSE. OH MY GODS DON'T HIT ME. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" havarti ran away from the storm of Wet-Ones, hiding from the cleaning wipes.

Several of the wipes hit Levi (who cradled them like children), Armin, Mikasa, the rest of the cadets (spare Marco and Eren) and several of the Titans in the face. "EXORCISM!" Z shouted, pulling a certain son of Satan out of thin air.

"What the hell?!" Rin looked around, eyes resting on Z and havarti. "Z! havarti! Send me back, dammit!"

"When did the Titans get here?" havarti asked, looking around.

Z waved her hand and Rin disappeared. "Bye bye!" She then turned to havarti. "They were~ already there~!" She sang.

A dead chicken fell from the sky at that exact moment. "Ferdoop. Ferdoop. Lol cats are invading the Chinese restaurant on Main Street. Troll in the dungeon, just thought you should know."

"Puke rainbows, Magic ninja, freaky chicken!" havarti yelled.

"Can we actually develop a plot line?" Z asked, tilting her head. Everyone turned to look at her.

"What?" All, save havarti, asked. havarti gasped and grabbed Z's shoulders.

"You. Just. Jeopardized. Our. Mission." havarti exclaimed, shaking Z violently.

And at that exact moment, the world exploded into Cheetos.


	2. AFTER THE LONGEST FRICKIN TIME IT'S HERE

Z blinked. "Did the world just explode into _Cheetos_?! WHY CHEETOS?!" She screamed while sitting on a thing that looked like a green llama.

havarti blinked. "Wynaut?" havarti said, summoning the Pokémon from thin air.

Z smacked the blue thing. "NO. NOT THE MIRANDA." Z pulled a random lady out of nowhere. "Sorry, I had to borrow you to prove my point. I'll send you back to the Black Order. Could you hug Krory and Allen for me?" The woman, now identified as Miranda, nodded quickly. "Ta ta!" Z snapped her fingers and Miranda disappeared.

"So, um, do we have to fix the world now?" havarti asked, tilting her head like a confused puppy.

"I think so... Oh why the frick not?" Z exclaimed, snapping her fingers and returning the world from Cheeto-y chaos. Everything went back to the way it was... more or less. Everyone was still confused as to what the actual hell just happened.

"Um, what?" Eren asked, still in his frilly tutu and glittery pink leotard.

"I am going on leave when this is all over…" Levi grumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"UM, I SAY OTHERWISE!" Z yelled, shooting the Captain with mustard once again. He glared daggers at her before wiping off his face with the Wet-Ones that he never let go of.

"So... I haven't heard anything from Armin or Bertholdt since the last chapter..." havarti thought aloud, earning faces of confusion and slight terror from the Scouts and Z respectively.

Z grabbed onto havarti's shoulders and shook her violently. "YOU'RE SELF-AWARE!"

"Since when have I not been?" havarti asked, raising an eyebrow at Z. The latter stopped shaking her for half a second, before tackling her into Sasha and Connie, who fell off the roof that they were standing on.

Z stared at her blankly before pulling Tamaki Suoh from nowhere and started to grow mushrooms with him. Why he was growing mushrooms, the world may never know.

Suddenly, the Tootsie Pop owl appeared and threw Tootsie Pops at everything in sight. The owl saluted the two authoresses, then shapeshifted into a peach-colored turtle eating a donut.

"Hullo. I am Muhhhh the turtle. H'okay? GOOD." It exclaimed.

"Uh… what is going on here exactly?" Armin asked, finally showing up from wherever he went last chapter.

"WHERE WERE YOU!?" Z exclaimed. She pulled a slice of cheesecake out of her left back pocket and threw it at him, hitting him in the face.

"HEY! HAVARTI DON'T MAKE ME THROW MY CHEESECAKE! THAT WAS MY LAST SLICE AND YOU WASTED IT ON LICHTENSTEIN! YOU OWE ME CHEESECAKE! ERZAAAAAAAA!" Z screamed and pulled Erza Scarlet out of thin air.

"What is it this time, Z?" She asked in a bored tone.

Z jabbed her finger towards her twin. "SHE MADE ME WASTE MAH CHEZCAKEEE!"

Erza turned slowly towards havarti, her rage unfathomable. She got into the anime-powering-up position and started yelling. "Super Sand…. ACTIVATE!" She yelled, pointing a sword that vaguely looked like a golf club towards havarti. Her hair had turned bright yellow and looked like she was a Super Saiyan.

"You look like Nardo." Z giggled.

"Don't you mean Naruto?" havarti questioned, not scared in the slightest by Erza.

"Yeah, that too."

"Soooooo borrrrrreeeeed…" Z moaned as she latched onto a nearby Titan's face. She suddenly fell backwards… into the Titan's mouth.

The cadets, Erwin, and Levi all gasped/screamed/froze, while havarti laughed &amp; Erza sighed. "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?! YOUR FRIEND WAS JUST EATEN ALIVE AND YOU'RE JUST LAUGHING!" Jean yelled, grabbing havarti by her collar.

"Nah, she'll be fine." havarti said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders and inspecting her nails.

"HOW ARE YOU SO CALM!?" Jean yelled again, waving his arms frantically.

"EWWWWWW TITAN SPIT! GROSS!" A voice screamed, and Z punched a few of the Titan's teeth out. "HAVARTIIIII! I'M ALL ICKY!" She whined, chucking her swords into the Titan's mouth and maneuvering them so they would cut the 'spot' perfectly.

"Good for you. Want a sticker?" havarti quipped sarcastically.

"MEANIE!" Z yelled, running to go get her swords that unfortunately got stuck on the titan's neck after killing it.

"We _still_ have no plotline…" Z mumbled, picking up her swords and crossing her arms, just as Bambi fell from the sky.

"BAMBIIIIIIIII!" She screamed, chasing after the deer (who was running from her) and laughing hysterically.

havarti opened her mouth to say something, but turned to the Scouts, who were basically sitting on the rooftop, watching in complete and utter confusion.

"Long story short: We went on vacation and she got sugar high." havarti explained as she pulled a hamster launcher out of her pocket and fired it at Tac-Nayn (who was firing heat-seeking butt missiles at Baby Satan) and Leela, the hammerhead shark lady, who screamed "WELCOME LITTLE CHIDDLERS!" and waved her arms like noodles.

"Okay then…?" The Scouts replied, sweatdropping at the chaos in front of them.

"Havarti, can you send me back now?" Erza asked, sighing again.

"Sure. Only if you take Z with you." havarti replied.

"I'm not taking her."

havarti snapped her fingers. "Rats. Okay, you can go." A portal opened up next to the redhead.

"Thank you. I will tell the guild that you say hello. Goodbye."

"Thanks, Erzie!" havarti called after her as the knight stepped through the portal.

Meanwhile, Z managed to get her hands on a Zanpakutō. How, you ask, dear reader? We'll never know.

"I HAVE SOGYO NO KOTOWARI! AT LASTTTTTTTT! IT'S MINEEEEEEE!" Z shouted triumphantly.

Suddenly, pineapples fell from the sky and landed on everyone.

"OH MY GODS. IT CAN'T BEEEEE!" Z screamed, putting her hands on her cheeks.

"What can't be? Oh. That. Yeah, I guess I ASDF'd." havarti shrugged.

"You what?" The cadets asked while Z ran around throwing pineapples at the Titans.

"Never mind. Forget about it." _Hm. When are we ever going to do anything productive? _havarti thought.

_**WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS IS AMAAAAAAAAAAAAZING~! **__Another voice exclaimed in thought._

_Z? What are you doing in my head? _havarti asked.

_**WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN **_**MY** _**HEAD!? **_Z shouted.

_Shut up. You're loud._

_**MEANIE.**_

"Uhhhhh. Why have the Titans left?" Armin asked. At that moment, a disembodied voice spoke.

"**THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW." **It said.

"Thank you, Tootsie Pop Announcer Narrator Guy!" Z waved her arms around.

"**YOU'RE WELCOME, Z."** It said, then left.

The sky suddenly turned dark, and havarti looked up. A red velvet curtain started it's descent upon humanity. People shrieked in terror from in their homes, and the military was cowering in fear. havarti's face held a blank expression as she looked at the velveteen monstrosity that was slowly smothering humanity.

She turned to face the camera. "Looks like that's all for now folks. Read, review, send some ideas and I might give them fruition. Ta for now!" She said.

Then the curtain fell.


End file.
